9/19/2011

I was wrong...

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Preston wanted a boy first from the time we even discussed kids.
When I finally got pregnant I decided that I did NOT want to find out what I was having out of fear of him being disappointed if it was a girl (and because I thought finding out the day of the big event sounded fun). I truly wanted a boy first too because I always wanted a big brother.
I swore it was a girl. Preston swore it was a boy. It was boy (Henry). So much for mother's instinct.

Round 2. Preston wanted another boy. He was fine with a houseful of boys and Henry needed a brother.
I swore it was a girl. Preston swore it was a boy. It was a boy (James). So much for mother's instinct.

Round 3. Preston wanted another boy. He didn't want to deal with "harmones" (that's what he calls hormones).
I swore it was a girl. Preston swore it was a girl (because of my hormonal rash). It was a girl (Stella). Yay for mother's instinct...finally!

With every pregnancy I wanted a boy because Preston wanted a boy.
I wanted a boy because I had boys and knew how they worked.
I wanted a boy because I had a boatload of boy clothes.
I wanted a boy because I thought it was noble to carry a boy (a future missionary, a future leader in the home, a future President?).
I once told a dear friend that it was "noble to carry boys" and just weeks later she found out she was pregnant with a girl. Ouch.
I know, it's sexist of me, but that was how I felt.
I'm writing this post to say I confess, I was so, so, so wrong.
Wrong that I thought I only wanted boys.
Wrong that I thought it was more noble to carry and raise boys.
Wrong that I told my friend such a rude and insensitive thing.

I'm writing to say I needed a girl.
I needed a sweet little angel.
I needed to carry a girl that would one day be a mother (how noble is that?)
I needed a girl that would follow me, help me and want me.
I wanted her all along, and I like to think she wanted me, too.
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This is nothing against my boys.
They are momma's boys and so very precious.
They are strong, determined, wild, loyal and still cuddle their mommy.
They protect their sister and adore every single thing she does.
But this momma needed a baby girl and never knew it.
And just needed to say so.
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This little lady completes me and our family.
I'm amazed by her everyday.
She drops things and cleans them up (imagine that)!
She sees a baby and wants to hold it.
She spots a dress-up at the gym and yells to put it on.
One of her brother's will cry and she will run to the rescue.
She's such a little girl, and I can't wait to see what she will become one day.
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I truly wanted her all along, and I like to think her daddy did too (hormones and all)!

8 comments:

pamela said...

i never ever thought you meant it the way it sounded! seriously, it's always been more of a joke. i know you too well to have taken that to heart.

and i think stella is a beautiful little girl! she is so cute, and it's not even just the thighs.

Kelly and Kelly said...

she is looking so big! what a sweet post. I think we get what we get and it all works out and makes sense in the end.

Melinda said...

I love this post! Boys are fun and I loved having two in a row but there is just something about a little girl. I love watching Lauren be a little mommy and doing the things only little girls do. So many times I stop and think to myself when lauren is doing something super cute and girly how sad I would have been to not have a little girl. I think anyone who has at least one of each gender truly is so blessed!

katieandkelly said...

Cute post! You sorta make me want a third, although I'd probably get another boy!

Megan said...

You are amazing! I could have written this about girls...and not wanting boys! But now I have the EXACT same feelings you do about having a boy and how I "needed" a boy. And how wonderful they are. We have some pretty great children.

Lindsey said...

I'm glad you got your girl. :) I'm the opposite--I always thought I needed a girl. I wanted a girl. I've got three boys. ;) And I'm okay with it! Happy with it. I didn't get a girl and never will and maybe that just means I don't need one and one doesn't need me. I've got my boys and that's all I want now.

Lindsey said...

(Meant to say, I wanted boys the first two times, lol. But for the last time, it was my last chance to have something different! And buy different clothes. :P There are lots of things I feel I could share with a girl that I won't really share with my boys (I doubt they will be interested in sewing, childbirth philosophies, breastfeeding...), but I can become a doula or teach a sewing class or be a LLL leader some day, and help other people's daughters, or my daughters-in-law!)

Niederfam said...

I couldn't agree with you more. Seeing as we have the same alignment, I too LOVE LOVE my boys, but NEEDED my girl, we ALL did. And we got just what we wanted!!!!! ;)