"secure and capable"

As I've posted many times now, I am dejunking and spring cleaning everything around this house. Well, last week when I was going through old files in my office I found a little treasure. 10 years ago I was engaged to be married to Preston and my dear friend, Pam, threw me a bridal shower. At the shower everyone was assigned an envelope that had a topic on it. They were to take out the blank paper inside and write any advice they had on the topic on the outside. As I was dejunking I found a sealed floral envelope that said, "First Child Advice" on the outside. My first thought was, "Oops. I should have opened this 5 years ago." But, as soon as I opened the envelope and read the advice I realized it's just as applicable today as it would have been then.

The advice came from Pam's mom, Mary, whom I adore. The whole letter was wonderful but one part that hit me was, "Enjoy every minute together with your first child. Time flies so quickly. Smother this one with love and kisses. Read to her/him- play, sing, fold laundry together. Of course you will do this with all of your children- but if you can get the first one secure and capable, they are a big help in raising the rest".

Right away I knew I had done a pretty good job of this.

I smothered....boy, did I ever smother!

I read....and still do....this kid loves books!

Play...I do what I can and Daddy fills in with the rest.

Sing...sadly enough, I do. Too bad he won't learn a darn note correctly.

Fold laundry together...we struggle with the "together" part, but he sees it done and tries to "help".

The part that worried me was "get the first one secure and capable & they will be a big help in raising the rest". It had been a rough week with Henry. You saw my post on the frustrations I was having with him. I thought all was lost. What if I hadn't taught him right? What if he would never be able to fold laundry? Would if he was a bad example to his siblings and friends? Had I created a monster? I was almost in tears on my office floor.

The week went on, and I had the reminder from Mary going in my head....Read to him. Smother him. Play with him. Sing with him. Let him help me. And, pretty soon I realized that it wasn't too late...it wasn't too late at all. I just needed that reminder that even though he's 4 and getting bigger and becoming his own little self that he still needed his Mommy to do all of those things with him. Read with him. Smother him. Play with him. Sing with him. Let him help me. I just needed the reminder that he's still small, still teachable and still in need of playtime, guidance and love. Once I figured that out and remembered to take time (more time) on those things, guess what happened? Henry started teaching James. He read him a book at the library (guessed what it said anyway). He gave James spontaneous hugs. He played trains with James and even said, "It's okay if you break it. I won't be mad". He sang "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" when James was sad because he knew it was his favorite. He asked James to help him build a road for his cars.

{Henry entertaining James in his crib while I was busy}

{Henry trying to talk James into sleeping in his new "big boy bed" in their room together...James is refusing to give up his crib}

I think he's getting a step closer to "secure and capable", and we'll keep working on it. The more I think about those words the more I realize how important they really are....that's exactly what I want my children to be...secure with themselves and capable of making good choices and taking on responsibility.

So here's to a little more play, a few more books and a whole lot of kisses!...

and to hoping I can have the help I need in "raising the rest" because I sure need it!

Thanks, Mary!