11/06/2007

What was I thinking?

That monster baby has only 105 days left to grow inside (approximately), and I'm just not sure what I was thinking. Yes, I want more kids and am excited at the thought of another little Jessie/Preston combo, but, I'm just really starting to doubt myself. This morning I had Henry and his 2 friends here for preschool and out of nowhere I was feeling like I wasn't in control of the world around me. 3 toddlers were all demanding my attention by not sharing toys, shoving eachother and tattling. I would get one to sit and listen to me read a book and the other 2 would just walk away and begin wrestling. It was a bit crazy! I was feeling overwhelmed already, and then as soon as the other boys left, two different people called to ask me if I was ready for 2 kids!!!! Am I? I just can't fathom this crazy toddler I now have.....a full on stripper who loves to throw toys at people and now sleeps crappy because of nightmares.....combined with a helpless, innocent, demanding, dependent newborn. How do you guys do it? I know what you're all saying to yourselves right now, "Jessie....you will just have to change your lifestyle. You'll have to stay home more." So what does that mean?....I'm just visualizing me sitting on the couch, exposed, feeding a newborn with my other kid who just hit his terrible 2's running around and throwing toys at the both of us? Is that what "you'll just have to stay home more" means? Is that what I'm looking forward to?

This all sounds really negative, but it just hit me that life is going to be changing in so many ways in just over 100 days. I'm sure it will be filled with good stuff, bad stuff and everything in between. Henry is finally to an age where he can be babysat, isn't such a momma's boy, and is able to sleep and eat on his own for the most part, and now I'm back at square 1 with this new baby. Do I have the energy to do all of this again? I guess I better find it because there's no turning back now.

Just give me some inspiration!!!

8 comments:

katieandkelly said...

If there is anyone out there that can do it, it's you. Seriously, you are the most calm, laid back person I know and you just roll with the punches. You will do great!!!

Not that I really have any room to talk.....I'm freaking out at the thought of one!

Jennifer said...

Oh my, I know EXACTLY how you feel!! I'm sure we will both be fine...it's always worse than you imagine. My SIL just had a baby and she's also got twins who just turned 2, so if she's still alive, I figure I'll be okay!

The Lamb Family said...

poor Jessie. Everything will be ok. You are kind of scaring me. I haven't had one yet, but one on the way not too far apart from yours. I think you just had a bad day. Take it easy. You will be able to do things. You are very nice and calm person.

Renee said...

You will be great...I worried about the same thing. It's not as hard as I imagined it in my head...you know? BUT...my 2 cents, always give yourself time. When I rush...oh man, it's hard. But no one to blame but myself when that happens! hee hee

pamo said...

not to feed the negativity, but yes, that is what staying at home will mean. you nursing a baby while henry destroys your house. but not for long! you'll figure it out. you'll get comfortable with disorder. i think it will be as bad as you think it will, and then some. and then you'll have rewarding moments that make it all worth it.

annek said...

Life is pretty "doable" with only 1 kid. You will do great, though! Remember how I said you are an overachiever, it's because it seems like you do everything and then more. You are great at everything you do, especially being a mom!

Melinda said...

Two is great! I love watching Ben make Seth laugh. It is also nice because you do have some help, Ben gets Seth diapers and wipes for me when I need to change him, and when you are breastfeeding on the couch and your phone rings in the other room you have someone to go and get it for you!! I have found it fairly easy - I know it will be harder when they can actually start fighting over toys and such.

Penny Longstockings said...

Here's my 2 cents: When I had #2, #1 was a) being rocked to sleep b) not really feeding himself c) couldn't talk much d) a huge climber/thrower/knife finder, etc...

I had a hard time staying home. I found it much easier to be out and about. You have the time when they're in their carseats (relatively easy) and then if you're at a store or whatever, there's something for #1 to look at (not as bored) #1 is strapped into a cart, (I always just wore the baby) and the time went by much faster.

That was my experience. After 4 mos. it got WAY easier. You'll do fine.