Epiphany on Motherhood

Yesterday was Mother's Day.

Breakfast was ready when I woke up.

Presents were given.

I got a new running shirt and socks,

as well as some of my favorite candy.

I took a nice nap.

It was a great morning.

And then...

Church was at 1pm,

so we started getting ready early, as always.

And, we were late, as always.

I started to get frustrated.

It's a lot of responsibility to have to

act for, think for, plan for and execute

getting 5 people out the door simultaneously.

I was waiting in the van for Preston to finish

getting James dressed, so I checked Facebook on my phone.

It was filled with a ton of sweet statuses about people

loving motherhood and their little angels.

I laughed and my sarcasm got the best of me.

Really?....do these people have perfect lives?

Is motherhood really THE BEST thing that ever happened to them?

Do they have kids like me?...ones that have to be told 5x to do something

before they actually do it (and whine about it)?

Are they lying?....or just having a happy moment that will soon

be ruined by kids fighting or toddlers throwing a fit?

I do love motherhood.

I struggled to become a mom, and I think I'm a better one because of that.

But, I'm also selfish and realistic.

I love my "me time". I love being productive. I love keeping a clean home.

None of the above coincide with having children.

While checking facebook with a bad attitude,

I also saw a status that read...

"When you are a mother,

you are never really alone in your thoughts.

A mother always has to think twice,

once for herself and once for her child."

- Sophia Loren

And then I started to feel better.

THIS was my problem.

I am NEVER alone in my thoughts,

nor will I ever will be.

I've heard a billion times that once you have a child

part of your heart is outside of your body.

It's so true.

My heart is now broken into 5 pieces,

4 of which are outside my body.

My mind now has to think not only for me,

but also for my husband and my 3 children

for EVERY thought it thinks.

That is a lot of time and effort!

No wonder I'm so overwhelmed!

No wonder I can't get anything done!

This motherhood stuff is a tough business to be in!

We finally made it to church.

I survived teaching nursery again.

I went out into the hall to greet my children refreshed.

They were all smiles with Mother's Day cards for me

they had made in Primary.

We all climbed into the van to head to Grandma & Grandpa's.

It was in that hustle and bustle moment that I decided

"alone in my thoughts" is a pretty lonely place to be.

I'll keep thinking for 5 and let my heart be broken into pieces

as long as these 5 spirits get to be together forever one day....

and perfect.

There's no whining in heaven, right?